They Didn't Even Look Back

Today was the kids’ first day of school. S is in sixth and E is in seventh. They couldn’t wait to get there. I was a little bit surprised by their positive attitudes this morning but I guess I shouldn’t have been. Last night I couldn’t sleep. All my own anxiety and feelings kept surfacing. This morning S was dressed before I even went downstairs to get breakfast going. There was no grumbling, there was no shuffling of the feet or eye-rolling. We were originally going to have them start in term four, which is a month away but watching them over the last couple of weeks we could see that they were missing out on socializing with kids their own age. They’ve really grown closer together during our lockdown in California and then doubly so in our MIQ time here, and I’m so grateful they have each other, but they’ve been missing this part for so long. Especially after doing school remotely over the last year back home.

So we walked the 10 minutes to school and after I left them, they didn’t even look back. I’m sitting at a cafe just past their school. Thinking about how far we have come. It’s been exhausting but I’m thankful for what we have so far and excited for what’s to come.

Mom, you don’t need to walk with us.

Today Is The Day!

We’re out. We were literally escorted out of the hotel this morning, with all of our luggage. I’m not going to miss the hotel room we have spent the last 14 days in, but I might miss all the goofiness and sweet times with the kids. I mean, we have our moments for sure, but the three of us spent every morning together in that room while hubs was working in the other room. We’d all meet for lunch, the kids would do some schoolwork ( I know, horrible) I’d do some writing and doom scrolling and hopefully we’d have an afternoon walk and then talk with friends, family and play a stupid amount of video games. Then it was a game of spoons or Uno, dinner and a movie. Lather, rinse, repeat.

This morning I woke up with tears in my eyes. Not because I’m sad to leave this hotel, but at the overwhelming feeling of everything that is next. Seeing family. Moving into a house. Kids starting school. Meeting new people. WALKING IN A PARK.

What an experience. This pandemic has created irreversible changes in so many ways. I wonder if shaking hands in business will ever be a thing again. How are kids and teenagers responding after doing most if not all of the previous year remote? How did those kids off to university fare? How have teachers had to change? From what I’ve seen we haven’t been holding kids to exactly the same standard, which is fine, wonderful even. Are teachers being held to the same? I think there has to be some flexibility and grace. Parents have been laid off. People have had to work remotely and for those that thrive in an office environment I’m sure it was especially hard. The essential workers in the healthcare and food industries- holy cow. They deserve all the praise, and a raise. It’s above and beyond just ‘doing their job’. No one planned for this pandemic. We all need therapy. I’m not saying that lightly. There’s a reason that there has been a significant increase in depression and anxiety. These last 18 + months have been so hard. But we’re doing it. Imagine what will be written about this 10 years from now.

On a lighter note, we discussed it at length and the winner for takeout tonight is: pizza. Let’s see what you’ve got Christchurch.

View out the window one of our last mornings.

I Would Kill For Coffee

Maybe not kill for coffee but I’m pretty sure I would have given my left pinky toe to go outside a few days ago.

Our flights were uneventful, which is how all flights should be. We left SFO on the 24th, flew to LAX where we had a 5 hour layover and then on to Auckland. Our flights were both a little over half full. No empty rows but it looked like those who flew alone got their own row. All the middle seats were empty so my son and I shared a row and my daughter and hubs shared a row. Not too bad, but I had hoped it would have been more empty.

Upon landing in Auckland we were told we’d be going to Christchurch, which was met with a mixed review but personally, we were stoked since that was the end destination for us. When we landed in Christchurch we were told we’d be dispersed to one of three different hotels. We ended up at the Novotel Christchurch airport and so far, day 4, it’s been lovely. The drive to the hotel was literally 2 minutes. The time it takes to go around the roundabout between the two. Do we wish for other things to be available like a window to open? Sure. But have the staff (wellbeing team, nursing team, food and bev team, IT support, hotel staff and I don’t know what all else) been amazing and wonderful? Absolutely. Shout out to Josh and Emily!

The night we arrived, Thursday, we had our first covid tests. The arrival day is actually day 0 so that’s a bit misleading; 15 days in quarantine. We were grateful to be out of a plane and looking forward to a hot shower and checking in with family. We have two adjoining rooms, which I requested when we booked the MIQ spot, We were prepared if we didn’t get it, but we did and realize we are very fortunate. Four of us in one hotel room for 15 days might have lead to- something bad. We had dinner, watched the first half of Frozen 2 and called it a night.

Friday, Day 1, hubs worked, still on California time so was up at 4am, but we were all up at 4am, no big deal. We lazed around, breakfast delivered silently by the food ninjas in the now famous brown paper bags. I told the kids they needed to be responsible for an activity. E is our activity and fitness coordinator. S is our organization and cleaning leader. So, you know, we’ll see how that plays out. There is an electric kettle in our room with a smattering of instant beverages and tea. So, coffee for me, hot coco for the kids. There were small milks in the mini-fridge so that helped the morning. Yes, mini-fridge and kettle, but no microwave. I don’t know what I’d use it for anyway, there is no kitchen area and while the food is never piping hot, it’s fine. I can’t imagine what it’s like to prepare meals for an entire hotel of people, many certainly with food allergies like mine (tree nuts). We read, got the PS4 hooked up, talked with family, and then it was lunch. The food ninjas delivered again. I order a small delivery of the basic food groups from the local grocery store: fruit, chips, wine, and lactose free milk, and a few art supplies. More of the same while we waited for our covid test results that alas, would not arrive that day. We stared longingly out the window over the quiet airport. We could just see the snow-capped southern alps in the distance and what we thought might be the walking track, below us. Dinner delivered, wine drunk. We reveled in the joy of not cooking or cleaning up. We watched the second half of Frozen 2. Since it was my birthday we had a mini dance party (sorry downstairs neighbors) and destroyed the gorgeous dessert the food and bev people sent up. Thanks B!

Saturday, Day 2, we wake up to a cloudy cool day. It had rained the night before. The food ninjas arrive and a few hours later so do the nurses. We get our temps taken again and the negative results we had been longing for. And with those results come the coveted blue wristbands. Our first walk will be at 8pm that night. The kids are not as upset as I thought they’d be when I shared the that Ministry of Education was so thoughtful that they had entire PACKETS of materials for school-aged children to keep them busy while in MIQ. It’s actually been great. They spent less than an hour on a unit and we called it a day. Lest you be concerned, the kids aren’t entire screen vegetables. They also read, and we have some games we play and they talk to their family and friends but also these are crazy unusual circumstances so yes, they do get a lot of screen time. And it’s fine. They will be more than fine. We just need to get through this and there’s only so much available to us. Shoutout to Max in IT that enabled us to hook up the PS4 to the wifi so the kids could play with their friends back in Cali. Grocery order delivered. Chips nibbled. Paper bag stars were made and hung in the window. We had dinner and watched the War with Grandpa. It was like all of Rober DeNiro’s characters made a cameo in one movie. At 7:55 we were ready to go on that walk. You have never seen four people more ready to go for a walk. It was cold and misty and it was wonderful. We embraced it. We walked our little loop outside the hotel as many times as we could jam into the 50 minutes. And when we came back we were exhausted.

Sunday, Day 3, it’s still cool and cloudy and we can no longer see the alps. We started the day like we did yesterday. Messed around until 9 and E lead us in some exercises and then the kids did some schoolwork before screentime kicked in. I don’t want our entire days to be scheduled but I think it helps to have an idea of what is expected and needs to be done each day, at least for a few hours. We really looked forward to that 3pm walk. There’s a wall that looks like part of the lobby of the hotel where they have stuck up pictures of kids and dogs, presumably to amuse us as we pass. It works! Those dogs and cats are adorable. Thanks team. We talked to family and friends and ate and played and it feels like we have a bit of a routine now. Because of our negative covid tests we were able to rent a stationary bike for the room so we’ll see how that goes but so far, so good. It’s a funny feeling. It hit me more yesterday, we’re not in this hotel because we are visiting NZ. We are here because we are moving here. It’s not a 3 week visit. We are here. For some reason it hit me differently this day. I was hit hard with missing my family in California. We talked and laughed and it was so nice. If someone could get going and invent that human transporter technology that would be great.

Tomorrow- Emotions are High

Tomorrow is the day. We’ve spent the last few nights in a local hotel and then on Tuesday we start the journey to Aotearoa. There are so many emotions. Excited to be there and see family and start this little chapter of our lives. Sad to move away from my family and friends. I’m grateful for all the technology that allows for our chats, videos, and messaging. I mean, we didn’t have that as kids. Cheryl, my friend from middle school, and I wrote letters for years decorated with gel pens and stickers, after I moved away in 8th grade. We graduated to email eventually and at the same time, those notes became less frequent. Our lives got busier. We started college, our careers, families, and somewhere along the way, we did less. We aren’t less friends, it’s just different. At least on my end. Now we email on birthdays and send cards around the holidays but I’m confident if we got the chance to hang out in person again we’d pick up where we left off. Now, my local friends and I have planned out a few virtual drink meetings while we are in quarantine. We have online gaming sessions planned for the kids and their friends. I set up an Amazon Echo for my parents and we tested it out. So far so good.

I know they’re going to miss the kids tremendously. They are silly and fun and just great kids. I think they bring extra joy and not having it in-person is tough. They’ve gotten really close to the kids and no amount of FaceTime is going to be enough. But there will be visits, as often as we can.

My emotions are everywhere. I am genuinely excited about the whole move, on so many levels for so many reasons. I’m also grateful that my parents have never been the type to ask me not to move. I moved to Australia for a year after college. Fine. Hubs and I moved to Atlanta for 6 years shortly after we were married. Fine. There’s a whole list of things I’m sure they questioned but it was always, ‘ok, let us know how we can help.’ Even though I know they’d like us to stay, not once have they said, ‘please don’t.’

I’m going to miss them so much.

I’m tweeting about this semi-regularly, at least more than I’m blogging. You can follow along on Twitter at #BromleystoNZ

One More Week

Holy cow people. Our flight is next Tuesday. We fly from SFO to LAX to Auckland where they will decide where we will spend the following two weeks in quarantine. It would be amazing if we were part of the small percentage that actually gets to MIQ in Christchurch since that’s our final destination but after that long flight over the Pacific, honestly we’ll probably be ready to just relax a little. In two days the container arrives at our house for the home goods. I just realized they’ll be parking out front so I should probably give our neighbors a heads up. Today we’re taking hub’s car to the place they box it up for transport. That man is NERVOUS. I think if he could travel in it he would. We also really need to get started on the packing. Since all our furniture will be in a container starting Thursday we’re staying in a hotel from then until we leave so we have to pack our suitcases over the next day or so. Everything we might need until our goods arrive. Clothes, shoes, electronics and a few critical stuffed animals. And pictures. I’m going to tuck a few of those in my suitcase too.

We are sleeping horribly. And by we I mean hubs and I. Kids are fine, they sleep like… kids with no responsibilities. Sleeping in while their peers are in school. Our local schools started last week but I couldn’t rationalize them being there for just 2 weeks and then yanking them out. Our days for the last week or so are filled with squeezing in as much time with family and friends as we can. Also sorting out the communication tech. Yes, Facetime is great but texting is a thing that my 12yo son has not mastered. He’s not even at novice level; what is below that? It’s not that he doesn’t want to stay in touch with his friends, he just doesn’t know what to say or ask so I’m giving him little prompts. Tell them something and then ask a question. 11yo daughter on the other hand is showing me how link all the things and is a master texter. Not surprised. I also got an Amazon Show for us and my parents. It’s a bigger screen than an iPhone and it lets devices talk to each other, plus plays music like the Echo and displays pictures. So far so good with that.

As I sit here I’m looking at cans and boxes of dry goods we certainly aren’t going to eat by tomorrow. Our local food banks aren’t taking donations so I’m thinking I will just box them up and give them to my parents. Also, why do I have 4 jars of oregano and 5 (5!) half filled with tarragon? When was the last time I used cream of tartar? It seems wasteful to throw out/ recycle all the seasonings but I do not know what else to do with them. I tried really hard to use everything up over the last month. If I was really creative I’d do something with all the glass bottles. Alas, I am not.

What I’m actually doing right now is procrastinating. I have a small but important list of things that have got to get done but I’m feeling really emotional today. We are moving. Around the world. Today it feels heavy. I am going to miss my parents and sister so much. I have a few close friends that I know will have a virtual drink with me anytime but right now, I realize again how much time with them means. Everyone has said they will come visit. I love that. And we are coming back to visit as often as we can too. The thing is, I know it’s expensive and a long flight to get to NZ from the US. So while I love the idea of them coming to visit some day when the pandemic is no longer a thing, I know the reality is that it likely won’t happen. How cool would that be though? I’d love it. The kids would love it.

I’m rambling now. I’m going to get started on this list before I start sobbing here in front of my computer. Must go pack. Still not getting rid of my shoes.

We Have a Place! Also.... Schools

Well, we have a temporary place. We booked a furnished AirBnB for a few months to bridge us until our container with our home goods arrives. Hopefully, by then we’ll have found a long-term rental or a house for purchase but the market is tight. TIGHT. The AirBnB is in a great neighborhood, near family, and enough space for us all. Bonus is hubs has an office. He’ll be working California hours for a while so he definitely needed a room with a door, not just a desk somewhere in the house.

The kids are enrolled in the fourth term of grades 6 and 7 when it starts in October. The primary school we are zoned for was incredibly helpful. Very simple process to enroll both kids and they’ve been able to answer all my questions so far.

It’s been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. One day I am completely not worried about the kids and their integration into a new school, and the next it’s the top of my list. On the one hand, they are essentially missing 6 months of a school year and it will take them a while to catch up. They will likely need some tutoring and extra work. On the other hand, they are both pretty good students and while I’m sure it is going to be difficult, certainly high school would be harder. Plus, they both have a math tutor right now over the summer to keep them on track. I mean, surely math would be the hardest thing to keep up with, right? I don’t know what else to do to make this a smooth process for them other than jumping in and giving them all the support they end up needing. Especially with math because Lord knows I stopped being able to help with any type of math after their fourth grade. I understand the Ministry of Education can also supply some grade-appropriate materials in MIQ as well so we’ll see how that goes.

Also, friendships. The emotional part in my opinion at this age is more important than the academic. Being the new kid is hard at any age. Our kids are great. Funny, interesting, kind and smart, and I’m really confident they’ll make new friends. But I also remember what it was like when I was the new kid. I’m definitely an introvert and I struggled to find my people. I still do. But I don’t think my kids will have the same struggles. I’m hoping video games, bikes, and pizza will help break the ice.

I don’t know what else I’m missing but if I learn anything new I’ll let you know.

I’m on a few Facebook Groups for kiwis immigrating home and let me tell you, if you don’t already know, every kiwi and their dog is trying to get home. Literally dogs. MIQ spots are scarce, booked through December as of now. There are so many people trying to get home to see their families and loved ones, and the process is daunting and strict. Hubs and I have talked of moving back to NZ for years and the timing was never right. Honestly, I am the one that dragged my feet, but that’s a whole ‘nother post. In January 2020 we set the wheels in motion to ‘make the move’ in late 2021. We know how 2020 panned out and the first half of 2021 has been better but still cringy. Thank goodness for vaccinations. The pandemic made everything more difficult. All of a sudden there were so many more visa applications. Stress on the supply chain made fewer shipping containers available so the cost of shipping containers has increased. MIQ is a thing. Fewer flights out from the US. In fact, as of today, there are exactly two flights a week that fly out of the entire US to NZ. In the beginning of the pandemic, one of my biggest fears was that we would be leaving and I wouldn’t be able to safely hug my family goodbye.

Now my fear is if I leave to visit, I won’t be able to come back.

But one thing at a time. We have flights, MIQ reservations and a place to stay once out of MIQ. The kids are enrolled and hubs has a place to work. Thanks honey!

So the question is, what the heck am I going to do with my time there since I can’t work right away?

Where To Live

No big update today. Just trying to find a place to live once we get out of quarantine. The majority of quarantine hotels are around Auckland so we are assuming we’ll be there but there’s a chance we won’t. Once we are finished there, we’ll fly down to Christchurch. It’s a cute city and the largest on the South Island. Hub’s brother and dad live nearby and mum lives not too far from there. The city is actually more than cute. I’ve been a few times, starting with a brief visit in 1997 when I met those wonderful people that would eventually become my in-laws. The city, and its people, were devastated by earthquakes in 2010 and 2011. More than 150 people were killed and thousands of buildings suffered severe damage. There is an amazing recovery and rebuilding project still in progress. On one of our visits, we saw a section of the city where local shop owners, whose shops were destroyed, set up temporary shops in shipping containers. We also saw where dozens of homes were absolutely decimated. It had to be so scary for the residents but it sounds like they’ve come back stronger than ever.

Christchurch has a lot of great neighborhoods, including a vibrant central business district (CBD). While we’re looking for our new home, we’re also looking at the schools they are zoned for, closeness to family, and the beach. I mean, it’s an island with some great beaches so of course that’s on the priority list. The plan is to rent for a year while we get a handle on the area. And before even then, we’re planning to rent a furnished place until our container arrives. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of furnished rentals there so we’ll see how it goes. Plan B is renting in a zone we’d like and furnishing with the bare minimum.

We’ve been talking about the kids a lot. Cases of covid are very low in our county right now (knock on wood!) but still…. We purposely haven’t put them in any sports or activities this summer, but I so wish we could. There aren’t a lot available and those that are, are being safe in that the kids are masked and distanced. I want them to be able to run amok and meet other kids. To have friends over, to do sports freely… all the things. Our oldest is 12 and he will have the second dose of the vaccine later this week. Our 10-year-old is a little jealous.

I’m truly excited about the adventure, but today I am overwhelmed.

Shipping Is Booked

We have booked the shipping container. There’s a lot of moving parts, a lot of companies involved. Someone to pack it locally and get it on the container. Take the container to the US port and on the ship. Across the ocean. To the NZ port. Off the ship. Container shipped to the house. Never mind that we haven’t found a house yet. It will be fine.

Right now it’s taking 2-3 months for a container to go from California to New Zealand. About 3 x as long as normal because of the challenges created by the pandemic. So we need to find a furnished place to rent for a few months. Or, if we find a truly great place to rent but it is unfurnished, we’ll do that and just get a few pieces to get us by. The most important thing is the school zone for the kids. We’re looking at 3 different options and 1 of them has very few rentals. As in the US, you have to show proof of residency in the zone you live in for your school. You can apply to a different school outside your zone but the availability changes every year as that puts you at the lowest priority. The second most important thing is a garage. Hubs has a classic car he’s bringing and doesn’t want it out in the elements. Based on initial research, with just the school and garage being the priorities, I think it’s going to be slim pickings. Every kiwi from around the world is trying to get home right now and there is a housing shortage.

I watched a video of a woman who is a US citizen living in NZ with her family and she did a list of 10 things different about the two countries. I was hoping it would be a little in-depth, maybe insight into how the education system works from a parent’s perspective. Or interesting kids activities. But no. She lead with hokey pokey being a different flavor and then bravely sang a rendition of the song, Hokey Pokey. So, fun, but not what I was looking for. It probably exists but I’m kind of looking forward to just jumping in.

You know what I will need is other women who want to meet for a coffee or a cocktail. Someone that doesn’t care that my house isn’t tidy but it is full of love and fun. That everything is not organic or home made but there are always healthy snacks. There are also always vodka tonics. Maybe someone that wants to try tennis for the first time or join a book club. Or do one of those paint and wine things. It’s hard to be the new kid, no matter how old you are.

I'm Getting Rid of So Much, But Not My Shoes

I have gotten rid of so many things in my closet. T-shirts that I don’t wear. The ugliest of sweat pants. Most of my ‘work shirts’ because honestly, I’m hoping to not do my office job again and by the time I’m allowed to work most will be out of style. I just kept a few of my favorites. We are not bringing anything broken or on the edge of broken. A few things are being replaced but nothing big. I bought 2 new cookie sheets because the two I have, have been around a loooong time, and look it.

You know what is scary? My shoes. During Covid while I’ve been WFH I have exclusively been wearing 1 pair of converse or flip-flops. Many cute shoes reside in my closet. Flats, heels, wedges, sandals, boots, booties, sneakers…. something for everyone. I’m emotionally attached. I can’t seem to part with any. Those turquoise heels with the scalloped edge? I bought them specifically to wear with that one dress that I will never wear again. The shoes are ah-mazing. They make me smile. But where the hell am I wearing them? I’m serious. I’m trying to think of where I could possibly wear them. I’m going to have to start dressing up to go to the grocery store. Or meeting in a park with friends. Ooooh the green pointy toe flats…. I can get away with those with jeans. I’m sure I can rationalize most of them…. they’re coming with me. They’re all coming.

We Booked a Flight

We booked a flight for the end of August! It’s from SFO->LAX->Auckland! Holy cow, people. Things just got real. We also got a spot in the managed isolation for the day we land. Actually, it’s a packaged deal. You cannot board a flight without the MIQ reservation and you cannot book MIQ without a confirmed flight. You have 48 hours to do both. Thank you Covid. Because an international move isn’t stressful enough. (insert sarcasm font)

We are so hoping that the two-week quarantine period is no longer necessary by the time we go, but as of now, even with vaccinations, it’s not optional. So, it’s booked. It’s fine, great even. This type of measure is what has kept New Zealand so healthy and relatively Covid free. But now for us, the pressure is on. We need to make a decision on the shipping company we are going to use. We received four quotes from different companies to give us an idea of what the rates were and what is typically included for a 4 bedroom household. Let me tell you, it’s a lot. Plus, my husband has a classic car that he loves and we’re going to bring that too. For the household goods, the quotes are between $14 & 16k, door to door. Insurance has been quoted so far between 2% and 3% of the declared value of the goods. You can only insure your goods if they are packed by the moving company. We were going to pack it ourselves, even though the cost isn’t a lot for them to do it, just because I have the time. But because we’re going to insure it, we’ll have them pack it.

We went back and forth on insurance. For me it kind of comes down to peace of mind. I don’t care if a few IKEA glasses break. But what if it’s more than that? What if it’s one of the 1,000+ containers that are lost at sea each year? Of the six million currently in use around the world I realize that is highly unlikely but it would cost more than the price of insurance to replace all of our home goods we’ve collected over 20 years, not to mention the sentimental value of a few items. Of course, anything truly valuable, jewelry, personal electronics, certain papers, are coming with us as carry-on luggage.

In the next few days we’ll make a decision and honestly, it’s down to two. One doesn’t have experience shipping to New Zealand so they are out, and one company wasn’t as responsive as the other two. I think responsiveness at this stage is a good indication of how responsive they will be when our container is in transit, actually arrives in-port, and then at our home. It’s going to be stressful enough. I want to be able to have confidence in the people we are partnering with for this epic adventure.

So, that’s where we are at. We have a poster on our kitchen wall listing things we want to do one last time before we go. We’ll be back, my family is here, but we wanted to write down a few things for over the summer. The kids basically want play dates and sleepovers if/ when we can do it safely. I want to spend time with my family and maybe hit the beach one more time. I have to think of this as a ‘see you soon’, instead of a ‘goodbye’.

We Told the Kids

It’s official. This past weekend we told the kids we are moving to New Zealand. My parents are Covid vaccinated and B and I also received the second vaccination shot so soon we’ll be able to spend time with them. The kids took it really well. S is really looking forward to the adventure and really sees it as one. She likes the idea that everything is going to be new and different. E is looking forward to it but is also really apprehensive about missing his friends here. With all the technology we have, he’ll be able to stay in touch with FaceTime, messaging, email, and online games. I think he was concerned about having to give up the old friends to make new ones, but we assured him that wasn’t the case. You can have both. It’s hard to be a kid. Plus, his friends are great and are sure they will be able to visit and stay in touch and we’ll come back to California too.

Here’s where we are today on the checklist:

• Resident visa is applied for me (hubs is a kiwi citizen)

• Researching international movers - getting quotes

• Researching schools

• Serious purging and evaluating of the stuff we have accumulated

• Signed up for MIQ

Still a lot to do but we’re getting closer.

Air Hugs Feel Empty

Well, here we are. 2021. Not really starting with the positive bang we had hoped for, our country’s leadership is a mess for a few more days and it’s embarrassing and horrific at the same time. And yet here we are. Covid is still rampant; worse in our part of California unfortunately, as it is in other parts of the world. Kids are still doing distance learning and doing their best to maintain their friendships with distanced outdoor playdates and FaceTime. A vaccine is slowly being rolled out but it’s TBD when non-essential workers and mid-aged people and kids will be receiving it. I really hope my parents get it soon.

This past Christmas was hard. We all sat in my parent’s backyard, socially distanced, and spent some wonderful time together. We brought our own little cocktails, watched the kids open gifts, talked, and laughed. The unspoken thing (because of the kids not knowing) was that it would be our last Christmas in the US for a while and how hard it was that we couldn’t hug each other on what is typically such a huggy and lovey time. The love was there, but so were the small smiles with tears in our eyes. The air hugs that feel empty. The thought and the love are there, but the gesture feels almost silly.

I need to hold it together and be strong about it. I’m 100% ready but my emotions still take over now and then. Moving to NZ will be fantastic. Being closer to B’s family is great for them, and for us, and I am confident the kids will absolutely thrive. They are both do’ers. I mean, I love playing Kung Fu Panda on the PS4 as much as the next girl, but sometimes you need to go do nerf guns in the park or go for a bike ride or a hike. The kids are always down for doing something and NZ is a country of do’ers.

I need to figure out what I need to do to be able to hug my parents. B suggested basically a giant plastic bag and you know what? I’m not opposed to that so I’m going to look into it. I’m surprised that someone hasn’t invented some type of “hug suit” by now. Come on Elon Musk- If you can launch a car in space….

The Application

Holy moly the process. Fingerprinting, medical checkups, proof of relationship. There could be an entire post on me documenting our relationship over 20+ years. But it’s been a fun trip down memory lane. Marriage, puppy adoptions, moves, births, big vacations… what are the milestones that mark your lives together? Joint utility bills? Pictures together in every tourist spot in Rome? Baby pictures? Selfies in different cities that look mostly the same with slightly different hairstyles and a few more smile lines?

I have a confession to make. I was really struggling with coming to grips with the fact that we’re really doing this. I mean, moving. To New Zealand. A whole new country. I won’t be able to get a job right away. The kids won’t have an ideal transition to school because of the differences in timing for the school year, but I’m honestly really not worried about that aspect. It’s the emotional part for me. Leaving my parents and sister and her family. I have a few local friends and I really hope they visit at some point, but I’m not the most social person. I don’t gather friends by the armfull. A few picked here and there. Cherished friendships that I know will stand the test of distance thanks to all the technology available to us now. But I met these friends through our kids. Our kids are older now, will it be the same? Will we meet other parents so easily? While I might not be a social butterfly, I need to have a few people to meet for a cocktail and talk. To share our dramas and laughs and heartaches. I don’t remember how to make friends. I think as I write I am realizing that I’m kind of fearful of this. Remember being the new kid? That’s hard. It sucks. No one wants to talk to the new kid. Oh no, another American moving to NZ to muck things up. Hey kiwis, I promise I won’t try to Americanize your wonderful country. You’re perfect as you are with your adventurous and kind people. Your mountains, rivers and beaches. Your amazing cultures and desserts. Yes, desserts deserve their own call-out, especially pavlovas and lamingtons. The Aussies try to take credit but I know it’s really you.

We haven’t told the kids. The application hasn’t been submitted yet but will be soon; we’re waiting on one more thing. After it’s submitted we’ll have a better handle on the timeline and then share it with the kids. We want them to have notice, but not so much notice that it causes unnecessary anxiety. It’s hard enough being 10 and 12.

We've Started The Paperwork!

Well, we are close. We have almost all the paperwork for the application for our family to move to New Zealand. Since hubs is from New Zealand and is still a citizen it should be an easy transition. I’m applying as a partner and the kids will be NZ citizens. But I’m scared. I know, it’s a fresh start, and I should look at it that way. But I’ve had a lot of fresh starts. My family moved us a few times, including when I was 13 and when I was 14. Those were my freshman and sophomore years of high school; not great. So the plan is to move to NZ before the kids start high school. I don’t know yet what I’ll do with myself when I get there since I won’t have a work visa right away.

We’re still in the what we think is the middle (who knows) of COVID 19, and aren’t excited about the idea of getting on a plane to go anywhere, but hopefully by next year we’re all in a better place.

I’ve had the hardest time trying to reconcile my brain and my heart. My brain says, look at these facts:

• You were laid off in August and prospects aren’t looking great

• You have a great plan for financial stability while in NZ

• NZ has basically zero COVID cases right now and their leadership has done an amazing job

• You know the kids will thrive in NZ, they both ask often about visiting

• You and B are getting a little itchy, neither of you have lived in one place for so long before

• B’s family is amazing and it’s time to be physically closer to them

My heart yells:

YOUR PARENTS WILL MISS THE GRANDKIDS SO MUCH IT WILL BREAK THEIR HEARTS.

The reality is that yes, they will miss the kids a ridiculous amount. I will miss them more than anything. The kids will miss them for sure. I mean, my mom believes in breakfast brownies. But they have also never said anything less than encouraging words. They know we’ve talked of living there to be closer to B’s family. They expected it to happen. They have never said ‘no, we don’t want you to go.’

So why is what my heart is saying making such a big impact on my brain? Why is it the thing that is making me dread this huge change in our lives? Why won’t it shut up when faced with reality?

I don’t know the answer. I know I love how supportive my parents have always been of my life. They knew I wanted to travel after college and they gifted me luggage. Not once have they asked me to stay when I was going anywhere. We see them pretty often, at least once a month, even in COVID times we meet in their backyard or a park when weather allows. But I tell you I cannot leave California without hugging my parents so we need to sort that out asap.

During This Uncertain Time

It’s the end of May 2020 and the country is focused on sheltering in place. It’s the right thing to do to hopefully squash the spread of this horrible virus and hopefully keep our loved ones, and other people’s loved ones, safe. Every email I get includes some variation of ‘during this uncertain time’. It could be about grocery delivery, utility bills or from a blog I follow, and I feel like it is the understatement of the year.

It’s definitely an uncertain time. Hundreds of thousands of people have lost their jobs across the US. My company had layoffs. We know people who have lost their jobs because of the impact COVID-19 has had on the economy. We don’t know what school will look like this Fall when it’s back in session. All remote learning? Partial?

Here’s what we know.

This pandemic hasn’t changed our plans to move to NZ within the next 2 years. If anything, it has gotten me a bit more excited about the adventure and change of pace. In March we told my parents and sister that we were moving forward and planning on making the move mid- 2021, if everything goes well. It was so hard. They said they expected it at some point, but still, hearing it and putting a timeline on it makes it more real. Yes, there were tears but there was also encouragement. They’d never ask us to not go.

Sort of related: We are so impressed with how the New Zealand PM has handled her country’s response to the coronavirus. Fast, serious… looks like it is working.

It Started in 1999

My husband B and I were married in 1999 at Lake Tahoe in California, and ever since then we’ve been talking about where to live. His family is in New Zealand and Australia, and my immediate family is all in California. We started our lives together in a city near San Francisco, in an area where I could commute to my job and the job market was good. We spent several years there until we moved to Atlanta, Georgia, just for a change of pace. When I was pregnant with kiddo number 2 in 2010, we moved back to California so we could be close to my family. I wanted our kids to know my sister and her family, and perhaps most of all, my parents. They were good parents and amazing grandparents. They consistently surprise me with their generosity in the everyday things they do.

B also wants the kids to know his family. More than the occasional visit. Understandable right? And yet here it is 2020 and I’m the one dragging my feet on the move to NZ. So we made a deal. Before the oldest starts high school, ideally with a year left of middle school, we would go. It required more specific financial planning and planning in general. And I had a whole list of caveats that got whittled down to just a few:

• We shout my parents out once a year for as long as their visa allows and as long as they are game for the 14 hour flight

• I bring the kids back to California once a year for several weeks

• Our place in NZ has to have a killer guest room

• We find a way to support ourselves that does not include the stressful tech industry careers we’ve built over the last 20 years

So, we’re ready now. This is the story as it unfolds. Please follow our family along on this little adventure.