We've Started The Paperwork!

Well, we are close. We have almost all the paperwork for the application for our family to move to New Zealand. Since hubs is from New Zealand and is still a citizen it should be an easy transition. I’m applying as a partner and the kids will be NZ citizens. But I’m scared. I know, it’s a fresh start, and I should look at it that way. But I’ve had a lot of fresh starts. My family moved us a few times, including when I was 13 and when I was 14. Those were my freshman and sophomore years of high school; not great. So the plan is to move to NZ before the kids start high school. I don’t know yet what I’ll do with myself when I get there since I won’t have a work visa right away.

We’re still in the what we think is the middle (who knows) of COVID 19, and aren’t excited about the idea of getting on a plane to go anywhere, but hopefully by next year we’re all in a better place.

I’ve had the hardest time trying to reconcile my brain and my heart. My brain says, look at these facts:

  • You were laid off in August and prospects aren’t looking great

  • You have a great plan for financial stability while in NZ

  • NZ has basically zero COVID cases right now and their leadership has done an amazing job

  • You know the kids will thrive in NZ, they both ask often about visiting

  • You and B are getting a little itchy, neither of you have lived in one place for so long before

  • B’s family is amazing and it’s time to be physically closer to them

My heart yells:

YOUR PARENTS WILL MISS THE GRANDKIDS SO MUCH IT WILL BREAK THEIR HEARTS.

The reality is that yes, they will miss the kids a ridiculous amount. I will miss them more than anything. The kids will miss them for sure. I mean, my mom believes in breakfast brownies. But they have also never said anything less than encouraging words. They know we’ve talked of living there to be closer to B’s family. They expected it to happen. They have never said ‘no, we don’t want you to go.’

So why is what my heart is saying making such a big impact on my brain? Why is it the thing that is making me dread this huge change in our lives? Why won’t it shut up when faced with reality?

I don’t know the answer. I know I love how supportive my parents have always been of my life. They knew I wanted to travel after college and they gifted me luggage. Not once have they asked me to stay when I was going anywhere. We see them pretty often, at least once a month, even in COVID times we meet in their backyard or a park when weather allows. But I tell you I cannot leave California without hugging my parents so we need to sort that out asap.