They Didn't Even Look Back

Today was the kids’ first day of school. S is in sixth and E is in seventh. They couldn’t wait to get there. I was a little bit surprised by their positive attitudes this morning but I guess I shouldn’t have been. Last night I couldn’t sleep. All my own anxiety and feelings kept surfacing. This morning S was dressed before I even went downstairs to get breakfast going. There was no grumbling, there was no shuffling of the feet or eye-rolling. We were originally going to have them start in term four, which is a month away but watching them over the last couple of weeks we could see that they were missing out on socializing with kids their own age. They’ve really grown closer together during our lockdown in California and then doubly so in our MIQ time here, and I’m so grateful they have each other, but they’ve been missing this part for so long. Especially after doing school remotely over the last year back home.

So we walked the 10 minutes to school and after I left them, they didn’t even look back. I’m sitting at a cafe just past their school. Thinking about how far we have come. It’s been exhausting but I’m thankful for what we have so far and excited for what’s to come.

Mom, you don’t need to walk with us.

Today Is The Day!

We’re out. We were literally escorted out of the hotel this morning, with all of our luggage. I’m not going to miss the hotel room we have spent the last 14 days in, but I might miss all the goofiness and sweet times with the kids. I mean, we have our moments for sure, but the three of us spent every morning together in that room while hubs was working in the other room. We’d all meet for lunch, the kids would do some schoolwork ( I know, horrible) I’d do some writing and doom scrolling and hopefully we’d have an afternoon walk and then talk with friends, family and play a stupid amount of video games. Then it was a game of spoons or Uno, dinner and a movie. Lather, rinse, repeat.

This morning I woke up with tears in my eyes. Not because I’m sad to leave this hotel, but at the overwhelming feeling of everything that is next. Seeing family. Moving into a house. Kids starting school. Meeting new people. WALKING IN A PARK.

What an experience. This pandemic has created irreversible changes in so many ways. I wonder if shaking hands in business will ever be a thing again. How are kids and teenagers responding after doing most if not all of the previous year remote? How did those kids off to university fare? How have teachers had to change? From what I’ve seen we haven’t been holding kids to exactly the same standard, which is fine, wonderful even. Are teachers being held to the same? I think there has to be some flexibility and grace. Parents have been laid off. People have had to work remotely and for those that thrive in an office environment I’m sure it was especially hard. The essential workers in the healthcare and food industries- holy cow. They deserve all the praise, and a raise. It’s above and beyond just ‘doing their job’. No one planned for this pandemic. We all need therapy. I’m not saying that lightly. There’s a reason that there has been a significant increase in depression and anxiety. These last 18 + months have been so hard. But we’re doing it. Imagine what will be written about this 10 years from now.

On a lighter note, we discussed it at length and the winner for takeout tonight is: pizza. Let’s see what you’ve got Christchurch.

View out the window one of our last mornings.

One More Week

Holy cow people. Our flight is next Tuesday. We fly from SFO to LAX to Auckland where they will decide where we will spend the following two weeks in quarantine. It would be amazing if we were part of the small percentage that actually gets to MIQ in Christchurch since that’s our final destination but after that long flight over the Pacific, honestly we’ll probably be ready to just relax a little. In two days the container arrives at our house for the home goods. I just realized they’ll be parking out front so I should probably give our neighbors a heads up. Today we’re taking hub’s car to the place they box it up for transport. That man is NERVOUS. I think if he could travel in it he would. We also really need to get started on the packing. Since all our furniture will be in a container starting Thursday we’re staying in a hotel from then until we leave so we have to pack our suitcases over the next day or so. Everything we might need until our goods arrive. Clothes, shoes, electronics and a few critical stuffed animals. And pictures. I’m going to tuck a few of those in my suitcase too.

We are sleeping horribly. And by we I mean hubs and I. Kids are fine, they sleep like… kids with no responsibilities. Sleeping in while their peers are in school. Our local schools started last week but I couldn’t rationalize them being there for just 2 weeks and then yanking them out. Our days for the last week or so are filled with squeezing in as much time with family and friends as we can. Also sorting out the communication tech. Yes, Facetime is great but texting is a thing that my 12yo son has not mastered. He’s not even at novice level; what is below that? It’s not that he doesn’t want to stay in touch with his friends, he just doesn’t know what to say or ask so I’m giving him little prompts. Tell them something and then ask a question. 11yo daughter on the other hand is showing me how link all the things and is a master texter. Not surprised. I also got an Amazon Show for us and my parents. It’s a bigger screen than an iPhone and it lets devices talk to each other, plus plays music like the Echo and displays pictures. So far so good with that.

As I sit here I’m looking at cans and boxes of dry goods we certainly aren’t going to eat by tomorrow. Our local food banks aren’t taking donations so I’m thinking I will just box them up and give them to my parents. Also, why do I have 4 jars of oregano and 5 (5!) half filled with tarragon? When was the last time I used cream of tartar? It seems wasteful to throw out/ recycle all the seasonings but I do not know what else to do with them. I tried really hard to use everything up over the last month. If I was really creative I’d do something with all the glass bottles. Alas, I am not.

What I’m actually doing right now is procrastinating. I have a small but important list of things that have got to get done but I’m feeling really emotional today. We are moving. Around the world. Today it feels heavy. I am going to miss my parents and sister so much. I have a few close friends that I know will have a virtual drink with me anytime but right now, I realize again how much time with them means. Everyone has said they will come visit. I love that. And we are coming back to visit as often as we can too. The thing is, I know it’s expensive and a long flight to get to NZ from the US. So while I love the idea of them coming to visit some day when the pandemic is no longer a thing, I know the reality is that it likely won’t happen. How cool would that be though? I’d love it. The kids would love it.

I’m rambling now. I’m going to get started on this list before I start sobbing here in front of my computer. Must go pack. Still not getting rid of my shoes.

We Have a Place! Also.... Schools

Well, we have a temporary place. We booked a furnished AirBnB for a few months to bridge us until our container with our home goods arrives. Hopefully, by then we’ll have found a long-term rental or a house for purchase but the market is tight. TIGHT. The AirBnB is in a great neighborhood, near family, and enough space for us all. Bonus is hubs has an office. He’ll be working California hours for a while so he definitely needed a room with a door, not just a desk somewhere in the house.

The kids are enrolled in the fourth term of grades 6 and 7 when it starts in October. The primary school we are zoned for was incredibly helpful. Very simple process to enroll both kids and they’ve been able to answer all my questions so far.

It’s been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. One day I am completely not worried about the kids and their integration into a new school, and the next it’s the top of my list. On the one hand, they are essentially missing 6 months of a school year and it will take them a while to catch up. They will likely need some tutoring and extra work. On the other hand, they are both pretty good students and while I’m sure it is going to be difficult, certainly high school would be harder. Plus, they both have a math tutor right now over the summer to keep them on track. I mean, surely math would be the hardest thing to keep up with, right? I don’t know what else to do to make this a smooth process for them other than jumping in and giving them all the support they end up needing. Especially with math because Lord knows I stopped being able to help with any type of math after their fourth grade. I understand the Ministry of Education can also supply some grade-appropriate materials in MIQ as well so we’ll see how that goes.

Also, friendships. The emotional part in my opinion at this age is more important than the academic. Being the new kid is hard at any age. Our kids are great. Funny, interesting, kind and smart, and I’m really confident they’ll make new friends. But I also remember what it was like when I was the new kid. I’m definitely an introvert and I struggled to find my people. I still do. But I don’t think my kids will have the same struggles. I’m hoping video games, bikes, and pizza will help break the ice.

I don’t know what else I’m missing but if I learn anything new I’ll let you know.

I’m on a few Facebook Groups for kiwis immigrating home and let me tell you, if you don’t already know, every kiwi and their dog is trying to get home. Literally dogs. MIQ spots are scarce, booked through December as of now. There are so many people trying to get home to see their families and loved ones, and the process is daunting and strict. Hubs and I have talked of moving back to NZ for years and the timing was never right. Honestly, I am the one that dragged my feet, but that’s a whole ‘nother post. In January 2020 we set the wheels in motion to ‘make the move’ in late 2021. We know how 2020 panned out and the first half of 2021 has been better but still cringy. Thank goodness for vaccinations. The pandemic made everything more difficult. All of a sudden there were so many more visa applications. Stress on the supply chain made fewer shipping containers available so the cost of shipping containers has increased. MIQ is a thing. Fewer flights out from the US. In fact, as of today, there are exactly two flights a week that fly out of the entire US to NZ. In the beginning of the pandemic, one of my biggest fears was that we would be leaving and I wouldn’t be able to safely hug my family goodbye.

Now my fear is if I leave to visit, I won’t be able to come back.

But one thing at a time. We have flights, MIQ reservations and a place to stay once out of MIQ. The kids are enrolled and hubs has a place to work. Thanks honey!

So the question is, what the heck am I going to do with my time there since I can’t work right away?

The Application

Holy moly the process. Fingerprinting, medical checkups, proof of relationship. There could be an entire post on me documenting our relationship over 20+ years. But it’s been a fun trip down memory lane. Marriage, puppy adoptions, moves, births, big vacations… what are the milestones that mark your lives together? Joint utility bills? Pictures together in every tourist spot in Rome? Baby pictures? Selfies in different cities that look mostly the same with slightly different hairstyles and a few more smile lines?

I have a confession to make. I was really struggling with coming to grips with the fact that we’re really doing this. I mean, moving. To New Zealand. A whole new country. I won’t be able to get a job right away. The kids won’t have an ideal transition to school because of the differences in timing for the school year, but I’m honestly really not worried about that aspect. It’s the emotional part for me. Leaving my parents and sister and her family. I have a few local friends and I really hope they visit at some point, but I’m not the most social person. I don’t gather friends by the armfull. A few picked here and there. Cherished friendships that I know will stand the test of distance thanks to all the technology available to us now. But I met these friends through our kids. Our kids are older now, will it be the same? Will we meet other parents so easily? While I might not be a social butterfly, I need to have a few people to meet for a cocktail and talk. To share our dramas and laughs and heartaches. I don’t remember how to make friends. I think as I write I am realizing that I’m kind of fearful of this. Remember being the new kid? That’s hard. It sucks. No one wants to talk to the new kid. Oh no, another American moving to NZ to muck things up. Hey kiwis, I promise I won’t try to Americanize your wonderful country. You’re perfect as you are with your adventurous and kind people. Your mountains, rivers and beaches. Your amazing cultures and desserts. Yes, desserts deserve their own call-out, especially pavlovas and lamingtons. The Aussies try to take credit but I know it’s really you.

We haven’t told the kids. The application hasn’t been submitted yet but will be soon; we’re waiting on one more thing. After it’s submitted we’ll have a better handle on the timeline and then share it with the kids. We want them to have notice, but not so much notice that it causes unnecessary anxiety. It’s hard enough being 10 and 12.

It Started in 1999

My husband B and I were married in 1999 at Lake Tahoe in California, and ever since then we’ve been talking about where to live. His family is in New Zealand and Australia, and my immediate family is all in California. We started our lives together in a city near San Francisco, in an area where I could commute to my job and the job market was good. We spent several years there until we moved to Atlanta, Georgia, just for a change of pace. When I was pregnant with kiddo number 2 in 2010, we moved back to California so we could be close to my family. I wanted our kids to know my sister and her family, and perhaps most of all, my parents. They were good parents and amazing grandparents. They consistently surprise me with their generosity in the everyday things they do.

B also wants the kids to know his family. More than the occasional visit. Understandable right? And yet here it is 2020 and I’m the one dragging my feet on the move to NZ. So we made a deal. Before the oldest starts high school, ideally with a year left of middle school, we would go. It required more specific financial planning and planning in general. And I had a whole list of caveats that got whittled down to just a few:

• We shout my parents out once a year for as long as their visa allows and as long as they are game for the 14 hour flight

• I bring the kids back to California once a year for several weeks

• Our place in NZ has to have a killer guest room

• We find a way to support ourselves that does not include the stressful tech industry careers we’ve built over the last 20 years

So, we’re ready now. This is the story as it unfolds. Please follow our family along on this little adventure.