A Text To My Friend

I was laid off in August, during Covid, from a job that I didn’t love. The best part was working with a dynamic group of interesting people on my team. The worst was poor leadership and low employee morale. Even with all of that I still enjoyed my career, or did I? I took several months to re-evaluate myself and what I truly wanted. What I wanted was to focus on the things I was good at. I wanted to have flexibility enough to have a life outside of my job. I wanted to have fun. Somewhere along the way I stopped having fun.

My family and I are making a huge change in a few months and I’m going to embrace it. Closing the ‘office job’ chapter of my career, for now at least. Not sealing it shut permanently but I did delete the LinkedIn app on my phone, and that’s not insignificant. I’ve been exploring and dabbling in a few other things that I enjoy. Unfortunately, the exploring and dabbling are not bringing home the bacon, but I’m grateful that I have the flexibility and support to do that right now.

Which brings me to the title of this post. I had a moment. What the actual fuck am I doing with my life? Have I made a huge mistake? I messaged a friend during a little freakout today and she called me immediately and talked me off the proverbial ledge.

Panicked message to my friend. She called me immediately. Love you!

Hubs said I should embrace this new chapter. To focus on my creative side, like pottery, or writing short story fiction, or exploring coffee roasting, or something else that I really want to do but never had the time for. I’m not honestly sure what that is. But I can promise you I need to do something that makes me feel valued. Valuable. I think I had too much of my identity tied up in my career because I’m often thinking ‘now what?’

I know. I’m very aware of how fortunate I am and what a privileged place I am in right now to even be considering this. I’m trying really hard to embrace where I’m at. I chose this. I am choosing this moment. Take a breath. Visualize this with me: an art studio/ coffee shop/ book store with an excessive amount of greenery. You’re all invited.